fail

love
as a word, as a metaphor
repainted, renovated, improved
mutated
into orchids, tears or air

love
unspoiled by illusion, unscarred by deception
with all the power conceded
and all the tags that dangle
on all the shapes it borrows

love
in its cradle
raw, naked, immaculate
unconceivable in its very core
and soaked in its very truth

still won't say

audio version

poll results

why

it frightens
turns off the lights
exposing my darkness
and its unbreathable smell

when

back then
in a decade
as we speak
5 minutes ago

what

this feeling of insufficiency
my bleeding out insecurity
and that fervor to get it right
at no time believing i might

how

head held underwater
after the happy dive
i can't come out for air
i can't come out alive

if i reach for your hands

we will both drown

please
forgive me

the good kind

just a little girl
whining for little
carrying that giggle
you've known for a while

still that little girl
with her big eyes
and one deep sigh
that lasts for miles

big little girl
saw more than signed up for
knows now how to grow and shut the door
and become the woman prescribed by law

ever pony-tailed
trying not to scare
willing to be fair
in order to keep you there

partially matured
dragging teddy bears and huge decisions
electricity bills and tears born unreasoned
in her imperishable attempt to keep it pretty

and childish
but the good kind

night watch

your gliding

amongst my mist, clearing the path
and my sight

my standing

in a field of daisies, under heavy rain
and dusk

a glimpse

of fine hair half-hiding the eyes
i want on me

the grip

of my hands on your fate
and your life on my whole

a plea

let it be dark
let it be dark
eternally

audio version

new knot old tie

how dare you play her so easily
like you composed her

have you no respect for the depth of the abyss
are you that naive to think it won't matter
it won't reach her
won't tear her up

did she wear her mask that well
not even you could tell

what were you both thinking
awakening such a toughly achieved hibernation

have you learned nothing in all these years
still not aware of what will be triggered
by just a sentence
by one dare
one tiny, nearly invisible signal

i swear by me one would vow
you'd have grasped the danger by now

what is the matter with her
to allow her doors to fling open like that

when did she give up on the unspoken
at what point precisely did she forget the hurt
she caused
and felt
immeasurably

hadn't she promised to let you escape
wasn't she truly glad you got over the ache

unbelievable

like nothing ever happened
you hopeless bunch have refallen in it

it'll happen over and over again

won't it?

clock-wise

tic put an end to womb and cord

tac brought a name
light and air
lullabies with maternal pitch
and smells

tic took away my crib and favourite breast

tac provided walking feet
80's music
sugar-coated waffles
and Strawberry Shortcake dolls

it sure was tic melting down my treasured toys (i saw him)

by my side stood tac
offering cheek-to-cheek dancing
the perpetual tenderness of young love
and the butterflies of a first kiss

tic's latest trick includes:
fine wrinkles
a couple of addictions
and a tad of tired sorrow

tac has been most lovely, teaching me that
regreting is just plain silly
nothing is lost forever
every plan has its season
that no, there shouldn't be such things as time machines

and for the first time i begin to learn

i'm ok with aging, really
it's fair trading

the gap

there

where some ghosts hide

where my knights ride

and Desire rules

there's a bright-hole

and it's shaped like you

here

underneath contentment

past the veils of reason

ignoring time

there remains a cave

and it smells like you

deep down

where the dreams are built

where good deeds get tilted

mixed with blood and breeze

i have found a space

and it shines like you

high above

soaring over my attempts

to replace, remove, refill

playing its mocking tune

there's a gap awaiting

it's unnervingly patient

and it drums like you

audio version