you

to you, who may or may not be imaginary, who may or may not care, who may or may not know. for you this post, my ever increasing sleepless nights, my painful silence and the dangerously declared words. you, routinely invisible yet disturbingly present: in my thoughts, my dreams, my nightmares. you, who make me forgetful of my convictions and wilder than i reckoned possible. you: never to become (what i'd love you to be), never to experience (my fits of long-kept emotions), always to belong (where you, in fact, don't). to you i offer my tears as flowing crystal, my rage as soaring kites and my darkness as neon signs. because you could turn my grief into grace, even if you were the reason for the former. this goes to you, who may or may not hurt me, may or may not save me, may or may not live.

from a bitter-sweetly unsettled, forever fragmented me.